How to Cure Your Liberalism (Special Edition II)

Welp, it’s official. Bob can marry Joe, Joe can marry Nancy, Nancy can marry Olivia, and Olivia can marry Bob (not at the same time though… yet).

Personally, I support gay rights and gay marriage. I think adults should be able to do whatever they want with other consenting adults. And since I can’t think of a single decent reason to be opposed to gay marriage, best wishes to all of the adults who got a little freer this week.

As social media becomes a rainbow extravaganza in celebration of the Supreme Court’s 5-4 ruling, here are a few things I’ve been thinking about:

9 People Decided What Marriage is for 300 Million People across 50 States

Isn’t that weird? Given the 5-4 decision, if just one of those Emperor Palpatine looking old folks “nay”-ed for gay instead of “yay”-ed for it, thirteen states would still prohibit LGBT folks from tying the knot.

Not that it’s realistic or anything, but can you imagine if they ruled 5-4 in favor of, say, banning the consumption of meat? Or nixing the 13th amendment? Or making Khmer our official language? Again, I’m just conjecturing here. But we certainly witnessed a pretty impressive (if not absolutely terrifying) display of power.

We Let the Government Tell Us Whom We Can Marry

Isn’t that weird? We’re adults. And if we want to make religious declarations of love or enter contracts combining our estates, shouldn’t we be able to do it without anyone’s permission?

I guess it’s nice to have the government involved in our personal lives a little bit. With NAMBLA around, absolute personal liberty is pretty much ruined for all of us.

Not Many People are Citing the 10th Amendment

Isn’t that weird? I mean it’s one of the best laws we have. It’s the type of law that prevents us from being a despotic, dystopic, socialist corpse factory. If you’re not familiar with the 10th Amendment, have a looksee:

“The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.”

It doesn’t get any clearer than that. If something is not addressed in the constitution, the states handle it. If it’s not addressed by your state, it’s up to you.

As I’ve said (and will probably have to say again in this post), I support gay marriage and I’m happy that it’s legal. But the Supreme Court (which also took it upon itself to rework Obamacare last week) has absolutely no business passing laws for the entire country. So while I’ll make sure to down a celebratory cosmopolitan for my gay friends, gay students, and gay family members at some point this week, I’ll have to toast another chunk of the constitution goodbye in the process.

Marriage is a Good Thing

Though it’s essentially sacrilege to broach with people and news outlets on the left, the greatest contemporary threat to American prosperity is illegitimacy. Currently, one out of four children under the age of 18 in America is being raised without a father. Single motherhood (while not always a problem or the mother’s fault) is a common symptom of families on welfare and in correctional facilities.

With gay marriage legalized, one would hope that an increasing number of orphans and would-be-aborted babies will have a much better shot at being raised by two loving parents. While I personally think one man and one woman are ideal when it comes to raising a child, I would much rather see a child in a married, monogamous, homosexual home than one with an unwed parent(s), particularly a teen mom.

Despite what I would assume to be a spectacular moment for kids who haven’t a place to call home, some homosexuals are trying to use science to generate GMO babies, and outsourcing uteri in third-world countries. Isn’t that weird?

The White House was Lit up like a Rainbow

            Isn’t that weird? In the midst of half the country losing their minds over the “offensive” Confederate flag being displayed at the South Carolina statehouse, the most prominent building of the entire federal government glowed with the colors of another special interest group’s flag. The message is pretty clear: if you offend the gays or anyone else on the left, there is a serious moral issue at hand. But if you offend Christians and traditionalists, they need to get over it

Any government official who did not object to the rainbow lighting of the White House should be pointed and laughed at when calling for the Confederate flag’s removal. It’s a gross display of hypocrisy.

Gay Couples are going to make a Fortune from Christian Businesses

Isn’t that weird? In a highly underpublicized story, a lesbian couple successfully sued a bakery in Oregon for $135,000 after the bakery politely refused to participate in a ceremony that they felt violated their religious beliefs.

While the bakery owners (and parents of five children) have been able to gather just about all of the money needed to pay the ransom via crowdfunding and donations, the ruling will likely inspire more and more gays to cry discrimination on their way to a nice payday.

Most of us know enough gay people to conclude that being gay doesn’t make you less reasonable than anyone else, and that this example of petty theft and bullying is not the norm. But just as there are bad Christians, bad teachers, bad cops, and bad Spaniards, there are also bad homosexuals. And you can bet your ass they will not sit idly by and let a $100k jackpot and a government-enabled opportunity to destroy a family business they disagree with slip through their fingertips.

Gays need to Stand up for the First Amendment

Isn’t that weird? As sure as you can bet that homosexuals have cited the First Amendment as justification for the freedom to express themselves over the years, you can double-down on the second clause of the amendment above all others to be casually ignored by many of those same people.

While atheists like myself have been highlighting the relevance of the Bill of Rights’ first ten words (Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion) to preserve the separation of church and state, we as Americans (particularly gays and atheists) have the monumental responsibility of making sure the First Amendment’s ensuing six words (or prohibiting the free exercise thereof) ring as loudly as any gay pride parade.

Our freedom from religion and our religious compatriots’ freedom of religion are joined at the hip. If one falls, the other will surely follow. And then we’re fucked.

Gay Rights Activists are going to have to Find Jobs

Isn’t that weird? The big battle is over. What else is there to fight for? The whole of the county is either completely accepting of homosexuality, politely/grumbly unsupportive, or from a different culture (which is totally non-PC to criticize). So what is there left to do? Greeters at Walmart? With their stereotypical attention paid to detail, that would be a win for all of us.

38 Beachgoers were Massacred by Islamic Terrorists at a Resort in Tunisia

Isn’t that… typical. There were also deadly attacks in France and Kuwait. The Islamic State has claimed responsibility for all three acts of being little bitches, and I’ve never been closer to abandoning pacifism in my entire life.

Warm wishes to the survivors and families of the victims. I wish we could turn back time for you.

If you were born in America, and don’t feel luckier than a four-leafed rabbit’s foot to have been, you better start using that brain of yours (or at least Google).

How to Cure Your Liberalism (Special Edition II)

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